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Sullivan also continued to experience and write about dysphoria during this year, although he often doubted that medical transition would give him what he wanted and needed. This began to change when, in 1976, he read an article about Steve Dain, a local teacher who had transitioned. Sullivan met with Dain and began seriously exploring the idea of medical transition, but faced extreme opposition from his partner, the disapproval of his therapist, and limited support from his friends. Instead of continuing to pursue transition, he followed his therapist's advice to attempt to reconcile himself to being a woman, dress in feminine style, and make female friends. Louis Graydon Sullivan (1951-1991) was a gay trans man from Milwaukee, WI who lived much of his adult life in San Francisco. 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These years saw Sullivan caring for his father during his final illness, in the process reconnecting with people who had known him in his previous life in Milwaukee. He wrote extensively of his grief and his developing spiritual beliefs around life after death. Sullivan continued to negotiate various emotional and sexual conflicts in his second long-term relationship, as well as his own dysphoria and relationship with his body, contemplating bottom surgery for the first time. He was stealth at work, but didn't lose touch with other trans men or consider leaving the community; in particular, he maintained relationships with two gay and trans mentees. Sullivan was also rediscovering his identity as a writer, revising his pamphlet \u003ci\u003eInformation for the Female-to-Male Crossdresser and Transsexual\u003c/i\u003e and beginning an autobiographical essay (apparently \"Sullivan's Travels,\" which would eventually be published in \u003ci\u003eThe Advocate\u003c/i\u003e). 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Sullivan was beginning research on his eventual book, \u003ci\u003eFrom Female to Male: The Life of Jack Bee Garland\u003c/i\u003e, inspired by historian Allan Bérubé's presentations on historical female-assigned people living as men. Sullivan's friendship with Bérubé, and with other figures in San Francisco's queer history community, would assume increasing importance in these final years of his life. Sullivan also wrote of his frustrations with the Stanford gender clinic, his growing interest in bottom surgery, traveling in the American Southwest, frequenting the Black Rose bar (which was owned by and catered to trans women), as well as his ongoing difficulties with his long-term relationship, which was slowly coming to an end during this time.\r\n\r\nLouis Graydon Sullivan (1951-1991) was a gay trans man from Milwaukee, WI who lived much of his adult life in San Francisco. A diarist, amateur historian, and administrative assistant, Sullivan is best known for the detailed and thoughtful diary he kept from childhood until his death from AIDS at age 39."],"mime_type_tesim":["application/pdf"],"resource_type_tesim":["Text"],"creator_tesim":["Sullivan, Lou"],"creator_ssim":["Sullivan, Lou"],"rights_tesim":["In copyright"],"language_tesim":["http://id.loc.gov/vocabulary/iso639-2/eng"],"based_near_tesim":["http://www.geonames.org/5391959"],"based_near_ssim":["http://www.geonames.org/5391959"],"isPartOf_ssim":["j6731380t"],"isMemberOf_ssim":["b91dbe86-4192-4c77-b1fc-d1c323b21c8b"],"temporal_coverage_tesim":["1984/1985"],"genre_tesim":["Diaries"],"genre_ssim":["Diaries"],"flagged_tesim":["No explicit content"],"lcsh_subject_tesim":["http://id.loc.gov/authorities/subjects/sh85037601"],"lcsh_subject_ssim":["http://id.loc.gov/authorities/subjects/sh85037601"],"dta_subject_primary_searchable_tesim":["Bottom surgery","Diaries","Gay men","LGBTQ+ history","Trans men"],"dta_subject_alt_searchable_tesim":["Gays","Transgender men","Transmen","Trans-men","Genital reconstruction surgery","History (LGBTQ)","LGBTQ history","Journals (Diaries)"],"date_start_dtsi":"1984-01-01T00:00:00Z","date_end_dtsi":"1985-01-01T00:00:00Z","date_created_search_ssim":["1984 to 1985"],"date_temporal_search_ssim":["1984 to 1985"],"analog_format_tesim":["Diary"],"digital_format_tesim":["PDF file, 34 MB"],"hosted_elsewhere_ssi":"0","language_label_ssim":["English"],"subject_geojson_facet_ssim":["{\"type\":\"Feature\",\"geometry\":{\"type\":\"Point\",\"coordinates\":[\"-122.41942\",\"37.77493\"]},\"properties\":{\"placename\":\"San Francisco\"}}"],"subject_coordinates_geospatial":["37.77493,-122.41942"],"subject_geographic_hier_ssim":["California||San Francisco County||San Francisco"],"subject_geographic_ssim":["San Francisco","California","San Francisco County","United States"],"subject_geographic_tesim":["San Francisco","California","San Francisco County","United States"],"has_thumbnail_ssi":"true","blacklight_display_ssi":"generic_file","has_file_content_ssi":"true","_version_":1833927482330316800,"timestamp":"2025-06-03T16:52:18.049Z","score":1.0},{"id":"pz50gw504","system_create_dtsi":"2025-05-21T20:47:52Z","system_modified_dtsi":"2025-06-03T16:52:18Z","date_uploaded_dtsi":"2025-05-21T20:47:52Z","date_modified_dtsi":"2025-05-21T20:47:52Z","model_ssi":"GenericFile","has_model_ssim":["GenericFile"],"date_created_tesim":["2025-05-21"],"date_created_ssim":["2025-05-21"],"visibility_ssi":"public","new_model_ssi":"GenericObject","dta_altLabel_all_subject_ssim":["MS (Disease)","Sclerosis, Multiple","Journals (Diaries)"],"dta_all_subject_ssim":["Bottom surgery","Diaries","Gay disabled people","Gay men","HIV/AIDS","Multiple sclerosis","Trans men","Transgender disabled people"],"dta_homosaurus_subject_ssim":["Bottom surgery","Gay disabled people","Gay men","HIV/AIDS","Trans men","Transgender disabled people"],"dta_lcsh_subject_ssim":["Diaries","Multiple sclerosis"],"date_created_search_tesim":["1985 to 1987"],"date_temporal_search_tesim":["1985 to 1987"],"date_created_display_ssim":["1985 to 1987"],"date_temporal_display_ssim":["1985 to 1987"],"dta_dates_ssim":["1985","1986","1987"],"dta_sortable_date_dtsi":"1986-01-01T00:00:00Z","ident_tesi":"pz50gw504","identifier_ssim":["pz50gw504"],"collection_name_ssim":["Lou Sullivan Collection"],"institution_name_ssim":["GLBT Historical Society"],"primary_institution_ssi":"GLBT Historical Society","depositor_ssim":["i.fellman@northeastern.edu"],"depository_tesim":["i.fellman@northeastern.edu"],"title_tesim":["Lou Sullivan diary, 1985-1987"],"title_ssim":["Lou Sullivan diary, 1985-1987"],"label_tesim":["Lou Sullivan diary, 1985-1987"],"description_tesim":["Lou Sullivan's diary for mid-1985 to 1987, following him from the ages of 34-36. During these years, Sullivan fought for the ability to receive bottom surgery at the Stanford Gender Dysphoria Clinic, whose staff refused to accept a gay patient (he eventually had surgery elsewhere, although his advocacy would eventually help to bring queer trans men into the medical mainstream). Sullivan also founded the trans men's organization FTM during this time, and continued his archiving work at the Gay and Lesbian Historical Society of Northern California (the future GLBT Historical Society). He also continued writing the biography \u003cI\u003eFrom Female to Male: The Life of Jack Bee Garland\u003c/i\u003e. Sullivan became involved in disabled gay men's organizing during these years, coming to find disability the most useful label for how his body fit into gay society. He had previously made connections (and briefly dated a woman) in the San Francisco multiple sclerosis community following his sister's diagnosis. At the beginning of 1987, Sullivan's life changed irrevocably when he became seriously ill with what was diagnosed as AIDS-related pneumonia. He worked to find peace with the idea of the end of his life, although he would ultimately live for four more years. Louis Graydon Sullivan (1951-1991) was a gay trans man from Milwaukee, WI who lived much of his adult life in San Francisco. A diarist, amateur historian, and administrative assistant, Sullivan is best known for the detailed and thoughtful diary he kept from childhood until his death from AIDS at age 39."],"mime_type_tesim":["application/pdf"],"resource_type_tesim":["Text"],"creator_tesim":["Sullivan, Lou"],"creator_ssim":["Sullivan, Lou"],"rights_tesim":["In copyright"],"language_tesim":["http://id.loc.gov/vocabulary/iso639-2/eng"],"based_near_tesim":["http://www.geonames.org/5391959"],"based_near_ssim":["http://www.geonames.org/5391959"],"isPartOf_ssim":["j6731380t"],"isMemberOf_ssim":["b91dbe86-4192-4c77-b1fc-d1c323b21c8b"],"temporal_coverage_tesim":["1985/1987"],"genre_tesim":["Diaries"],"genre_ssim":["Diaries"],"flagged_tesim":["No explicit content"],"lcsh_subject_tesim":["http://id.loc.gov/authorities/subjects/sh85088374","http://id.loc.gov/authorities/subjects/sh85037601"],"lcsh_subject_ssim":["http://id.loc.gov/authorities/subjects/sh85088374","http://id.loc.gov/authorities/subjects/sh85037601"],"dta_subject_primary_searchable_tesim":["Bottom surgery","Diaries","Gay disabled people","Gay men","HIV/AIDS","Multiple sclerosis","Trans men","Transgender disabled people"],"dta_subject_alt_searchable_tesim":["Acquired immune deficiency syndrome","AIDS","Human immunodeficiency virus","HIV","Acquired immunodeficiency syndrome","Gays","Transgender men","Transmen","Trans-men","Genital reconstruction surgery","Disabled transgender people","Transgender people with disabilities","Disabled gay men","Gay men with disabilities","MS (Disease)","Sclerosis, Multiple","Journals (Diaries)"],"date_start_dtsi":"1985-01-01T00:00:00Z","date_end_dtsi":"1987-01-01T00:00:00Z","date_created_search_ssim":["1985 to 1987"],"date_temporal_search_ssim":["1985 to 1987"],"analog_format_tesim":["Diary"],"digital_format_tesim":["PDF file, 205.6 MB"],"hosted_elsewhere_ssi":"0","language_label_ssim":["English"],"subject_geojson_facet_ssim":["{\"type\":\"Feature\",\"geometry\":{\"type\":\"Point\",\"coordinates\":[\"-122.41942\",\"37.77493\"]},\"properties\":{\"placename\":\"San Francisco\"}}"],"subject_coordinates_geospatial":["37.77493,-122.41942"],"subject_geographic_hier_ssim":["California||San Francisco County||San Francisco"],"subject_geographic_ssim":["San Francisco","California","San Francisco County","United States"],"subject_geographic_tesim":["San Francisco","California","San Francisco County","United States"],"has_thumbnail_ssi":"true","blacklight_display_ssi":"generic_file","has_file_content_ssi":"true","_version_":1833927483056979968,"timestamp":"2025-06-03T16:52:18.741Z","score":1.0},{"id":"ft848r01p","system_create_dtsi":"2025-05-27T17:52:42Z","system_modified_dtsi":"2025-06-03T16:52:19Z","date_uploaded_dtsi":"2025-05-27T17:52:42Z","date_modified_dtsi":"2025-05-27T17:52:42Z","model_ssi":"GenericFile","has_model_ssim":["GenericFile"],"date_created_tesim":["2025-05-27"],"date_created_ssim":["2025-05-27"],"visibility_ssi":"public","new_model_ssi":"GenericObject","dta_altLabel_all_subject_ssim":["Death--Philosophy","Dying","End of life","Mourning","Sorrow"],"dta_all_subject_ssim":["Death","Gay disabled people","Gay men","Grief","HIV/AIDS","Trans men","Transgender disabled people"],"dta_homosaurus_subject_ssim":["Gay disabled people","Gay men","HIV/AIDS","Trans men","Transgender disabled people"],"dta_lcsh_subject_ssim":["Death","Grief"],"date_created_search_tesim":["1987"],"date_temporal_search_tesim":["1987"],"date_created_display_ssim":["1987"],"date_temporal_display_ssim":["1987"],"dta_dates_ssim":["1987"],"dta_sortable_date_dtsi":"1987-01-01T00:00:00Z","ident_tesi":"ft848r01p","identifier_ssim":["ft848r01p"],"collection_name_ssim":["Lou Sullivan Collection"],"institution_name_ssim":["GLBT Historical Society"],"primary_institution_ssi":"GLBT Historical Society","depositor_ssim":["i.fellman@northeastern.edu"],"depository_tesim":["i.fellman@northeastern.edu"],"title_tesim":["Lou Sullivan diary, 1987"],"title_ssim":["Lou Sullivan diary, 1987"],"label_tesim":["Lou Sullivan diary, 1987"],"description_tesim":["Lou Sullivan's diary for January-August 1987, written at the age of 36 and beginning immediately after his AIDS diagnosis. Sullivan used this diary volume to reflect on his life, confront his feelings about death, and consider how to best use his remaining time. He continued his involvement with the trans men's organization FTM, with the gay disabled community, and with the Gay and Lesbian Historical Society of Northern California. He also worked on his book about Jack Garland and explored his sexuality after bottom surgery (Sullivan had successfully advocated to have a planned additional procedure completed after his AIDS diagnosis). Sullivan expressed a complex grief about the timing of his diagnosis, which arrived just as he'd completed his plans for medical transition; he still felt like an outsider in the gay community and to society at large, and began to focus on connecting with his communities, even as his time grew short. Louis Graydon Sullivan (1951-1991) was a gay trans man from Milwaukee, WI who lived much of his adult life in San Francisco. 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Sullivan continued to live with AIDS during this time; he experienced several significant health scares, and his overall health was on the decline. He nonetheless kept a busy schedule whenever it was possible, continuing his involvement with the trans men's organization FTM, gay men's disability community, and the Gay and Lesbian Historical Society of Northern California. He also sought out several casual partners in San Francisco's gay community, maintaining an ongoing connection with one. Sullivan also achieved a major personal goal this year in signing a contract to publish his biography of Jack Bee Garland. He continued to do archival research, traveling as far as Hawaii, to complete the book, and handed in the manuscript in the late autumn. In November, despite his declining health, Sullivan had an additional minor revision to his bottom surgery. He ended the year on an upbeat note, writing that he'd been lucky to survive it. 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